A Fierce Wooden Spoon
I want to tell a story about a hot summer Sunday at my Grandma’s house. She lived near a fairly large church, literally like 2 blocks away. I think I was around 8 or 9 years old and had already proven I was as angelic as my grandma pretended I was. In other words, she always knew trouble would find me but only as a mischievous curiosity to do wrong. Never malicious intent from either one of us, but she made sure that in most cases the punishment fit the crime. Which brings me to this story…
Ricky and I wanted to go to the Electric Kingdom to play some video games. As usual we had no money for the arcade and we were devising a plan to earn some. After going through multiple scenarios I ended up with asking Grandma if we could wash the cars for arcade money. She agreed to this contract but had no idea what she had gotten herself into (nor did I). We grabbed washcloths, a bucket, Palmolive dish soap, and began to unspool the hose (more like a pressure washer than a garden hose). Everything went as expected washing the two cars that were parked side by side, perpendicular to the street. Then this great idea popped into my infantile head. Let’s hide between the two vehicles and spray cars as they drive by. Oh yeah it’s on. I ducked between the cars and waited. As a car began to approach I aimed the hose, and by the time I pulled the trigger the car had pretty much already past. Fail. So I corrected my stance so I could see better and corrected my aim like I was spraying into the mouth of a carnival clown to be the first to pop the balloon. I locked on to the next vehicle coming down the street. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and spray. What I didn’t realize until I heard the screech of tires braking was that…
1. Ricky had took off running
2. The car was driven by an old couple on their way to church
And most importantly…
3. The windows were rolled down
Needless to say I didn’t get my money for the arcade, but what I did get is…
A 5 ft., 80 lb. Grandma with a wooden spoon, which to this day, has given me the worst ass whoopin’ I have ever had in my 44 years on this planet.
Grandma, I love you and I will miss you dearly.
