Cataclysmal Triad

Inspired by a friends blog about bad doggy style...Some names have been changed to protect the innocent, or not so innocent.

So back in the day, Will (perfectly good pseudonym) was lucky (or unlucky, you decide) enough to experience 2 threesomes. Although he still believes that their overrated, mostly from the hype surrounding them, his last one just might have scarred him forever...

Will used to hang out at Joe's apartment all the time. It was party central every night of the week. Will was jockin' these two fly girls (maybe you can guess the era). They were both friends and both named Heather (Oddly enough much like the movie, Heathers, Okay then, Will is now Jason Dean or JD to follow true to the greatest black comedy of the eighties). One being brunette, the other blond, JD was more attracted to the brunette. The brunette was an all star softball player (imagine that, bi-sexual) and the blond was a ninja (okay, she just was some kind of belt, that included really hard groin kicks but we'll get back to that later). JD had learned all that, in the pre-game leading up to "The Night". After large amounts of coercing and alcohol, JD led the Heathers into Joe's lair. Which was really weird cause he never slept in there. Probably cause it was the room that everyone had sex in. It was well equipped with a small fridge sporting a variety of beverages (Not unlike a hotels mini bar). A cigar box full of condoms laid open, right next to the king bed. And a tower of clean mismatched sheets were stacked in the corner. The only 2 rules were to hang the pooka shell lei on the door knob so that you would not be disturbed, and change the sheets when finished. Everything was set and started off without a hitch. Everyone began to undress each other and JD grabbed a beer from Joe's mini fridge. Before he could crack it open, he was invited to the bed, so he set it on top of the fridge. They engaged and continued with the foreplay which was quite awhile. Now JD knew that equal disport was important, but he was just a bit more attracted to Brunette Heather. When the time came for intercourse, JD's decision was obviously already made. As JD started his business, Blond Heather got up out of bed and began to gather her clothes for redress. JD interrupted his act and got up to see what was wrong. When he asked, he was abruptly answered with a karate kid style kick to the groin followed by the comment "Threesome means three people, not two". Being his first completely naked barefoot nut shot, JD fell to the floor in writhing pain wondering why God didn't give him two penis's. His first instinct was to grab his package, but also Blond Heather's foot. She fell to her hands and knees. As she began to crawl away on all fours, Brunette Heather had already shot out of bed and grabbed the unopened beer that JD left upon the mini fridge. With only what JD could imagine as a softball style pitch, Brunette Heather whizzed the silver can right across the plate (Or JD's head) hitting the strike zone (Or Blond Heathers right ass cheek) while screaming "You bitch!". Brunette Heather jumped on Blond Heather, but as it seemed Blond Heather's ground game was much better delivering quite a few shot's to the face of Brunette Heather. The bedroom door swung open, and Joe stood there with the most indescribable look on his face. The Heather's were pulled apart and everyone was tended to. Busted balls, a bruised ass, and a broken nose...Threesome's can be dangerous.

I was never allowed (by my friends) to engage in these activities ever again. I mean JD was never allowed (by his friends) to engage in these activities ever again...