Salvation in Barnes & Noble

Salvation in Barnes & Noble
 
Yesterday I walked into Barnes & Noble looking for a book by Chuck Palahniuk, my favorite writer.
 
I entered B & N on a mission, so did she. I noticed her almost immediately. Not for beauty, but for oddity. She wore dirty knock off Uggs, a ratty undetermined brand of jeans, and a sweatshirt. The sweatshirt, yeah, uh, let me explain. Either she was suppose to wash it in cold and hang dry, or the designer should be shot for creating a half-shirt sweatshirt; a fashion oxy moron. What was even more interesting was the woman that wore this costume. A forty-something sea hag, with mangy hair and lunatic eyes. When I scanned the store, the employees were inconspicuously aware of her presence, all of them. I forgot why I was even there and turned my attention to the train wreck that I knew was inevitable. She walked around with meth-head autism speaking loud enough to hear herself, but not to bother others. I tried follow, out of curiosity, but kept my distance. Ah, I fucking love crazy people. I couldn't figure out what she was doing. She would go from section to section, pick up a book, and put it back. I never got close enough to see what she was actually doing. Plus I was getting restless, but as I always say if you watch a crazy person long enough they will give you something to write about. Queue the security guards. 3 security guards, accompanied by what looked like the store manager, made a be-line to the section that she was now in. They grabbed her and began to escort her out of the store. They knew her name, so I'm assuming this wasn't the first time. She struggled a bit and began to yell out things like…
 
"You need to burn these evil books"
"These books are written by the devil"
"You're all going to hell"
"You're all sinners, every single one of you"
 
The show was over. Although everyone had perma-grin on their face, they continued their business, including me. I began to search for the Palahniuk that I came for. In my journey, I noticed an interesting book, for 2 reasons. One, it was tipped over and out of place. And two, its title was "Smut, Volume 1" with a partially nude woman on the front. I picked it up to put it back in place, and a small pamphlet fell out. I'm sure the author of this compilation of erotic stories didn't put it there. But I'm sure you know who did. It read, "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"
 
Yesterday I walked into Barnes & Noble looking for a book by Chuck Palahniuk, my favorite writer. Instead I found salvation…but then security took her away, thank God.