Toy Story 4

So my son's birthday is very soon, and as it's always been, I'm a last minute shopper. Now, there's one store I avoid with vengeance, and you can probably guess which one. I have a real hard time keeping my opinions to my self, and that charm is not always appreciated by most. I'm just saying what's on everybody else minds, but they don't have the jawbreakers that I do. So here's some basics for shopping... I'm not sure what you've been told but hygiene is important. I mean come on at least wipe your kids nose let alone washing last night dinner off his/hers face. Shit I'll pitch in for a washcloth. Hell you can get free handy wipes at Taco Bell now. And yes parental supervision is required. The attendants in the toy section are not cross trained to run a day care, so don't drop them off there while you do your shopping. Here's a tip, make your shopping list a scavenger hunt and involve your kids. Unless of course you want your child to make friends with the guy in the toy section giving out free candy offering free rides in his van. And last but not least disciplining your child in the store is not a UFC pay per view event. To complete the metaphor, If I was Dana White the only ultimate fighting you'd be doing is removing my size 13 out of your rusty sheriff's badge or filthy ax wound, whichever applies. All this means is I've been told to “Mind my own fucking business” on more than one occasion. But today was different...I can't make this shit up

So I wandered aimless through the toy section, and no one had yet broken the holy trinity of bad parenting listed above. Although I thought to myself give it time. The white trash FAO Schwartz was plastered with Toy Story 3 graffiti down every aisle. The marketing budget on this movie must have been “To infinity, and beyond!”. Since my kids never really liked the Toy Story dynasty, it was a little rough wading through to find something not bearing the Toy Story name. So i'm strolling down an aisle and I hear this couple semi-arguing about which toy to get...

So the woman says “I want to get the Woody”

And the man says “I want to get the Buzz”

So I literally laugh out loud. Now these are the times where I find it hard to keep my mouth shut. The times where I find myself speaking before thinking. The times where I can't help myself.

So Scott says to the woman, “Kill two birds with one stone...Get him drunk, and maybe you'll get lucky”

So the moral of the story...I really hate shopping at Walmart, not all trips there involve witnessing bad parenting, and one liners are a lot less funny when you have to explain them to people