Dipsomania

Dipsomania

I pulled the weapon from it's sleeve and gripped it tightly. White knuckle firm control, but my aim was distracted by fear. I could miss, but I knew what I had to. Plus I was driven, driven by thirst to strong to control, almost primitive. I grabbed with my left hand to secure the objective and I stabbed with my right, missing my mark. My fear turned to concern as I watched the crimson liquid drip from the wound I had just created. I had to strike again, since this puncture failed my intentions. The second attempt proved unsuccessful adding another perforation to the target and thus releasing more vital fluid. The final assault confirmed my victory, nailing my plan and purpose. Bull's eye. Relief washed over me, and as I stood there drinking I thought to myself, I could never stab anyone cause I'm so bad with a Capri Sun.

Big Wheel

Big Wheel

Almost every man can tell you a story, from their childhood, that involves a Big Wheel. The Big Wheel marked a very important era for most boys. For me, the Big Wheel was the only time in my life where i felt totally out of control, yet subconsciously i knew i would never be more stable. Such an ingenious piece of equipment, when you really think about it. Anchored by the weight of your own body, this tripod with wheels had the most secure foundation that physics offers. The drive wheel, from which it was named, had a gear ratio of 1:1 and an unlimited slip differential to control acceleration. You learned quickly to apply just the right amount of torque. As you knew nothing about horsepower, boy power was the mainstay of your unbridled speed. White knuckles gripped the molded plastic handles, free to ride where you may. And when and if you wanted to stop, the manufacturer stratigically placed single turning brakes on each one of the back wheels. Power slides had never been so inevitably fun. The sound of grinding plastic continuously echoed in your ear. And at the end of the day, when your tank was on E, you slowly yet reluctantly parked your ride. And as you stood up, and began to walk away, you still knew you were totally out of control, yet subconsciously stable.

Random Acts of Silence

Random Acts of Silence

You know that moment that you let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash. You know that short breath pause where you might as well announced your thoughts through a megaphone. You know that instant you let raw feelings flow verbally instead of a calculated discussion. You know that split second instinct gathering the words for expulsion rather than taking time to analyze and interpret. You know that occasion your mating call for negativity replaces a positively reinforced voice. You know that Freudian truth slips in spite of your Pavlovian modeling. You know that screaming cry of death metal that overpowers your serene classical melody. But then again, suppressing your emotional voice would only result in random acts of silence. Shhh...

Take a long wok off a short peer...

Take a long wok off a short peer

Steal irregularly shaped, oriental cookware from a vertically challenged friend. Amazing how you can say one thing and mean another. Led Zeppelin 1, Track 7. (Yes i know, another Zeppelin reference, but it just fits.) The biggest communication breakdown, hence the LZ reference, is that people communicate the way they want to be communicated to. Ever notice if you speak softly to a shy person, you have their full attention. a An angry person is much more responsive if you yell right back at them, and then later they respect you even more so (although fists may have been thrown, still respect). The analytical wants facts and figures to back up the conversation. Proof that the conversation even exists.Dumb and silly will hold the attention of the A.D.D.'s and those who should not procreate. A respectful teenager and parent's chat can becomes an adult discussion under the correct circumstances. But no, most us would rather just tell someone to take a long walk off a short pier. Enough said, but not communicated

~S

Walking Humble

Walking Humble
I own a 22 year old pair of Birkenstock's. They have never been re-corked. They have never been re-soled. They have holes where my big toes should be. They have worn completely through where my heels rest. The base has only a thin layer of rubber. The dingy suede straps are scarcely held together by the oxidized buckles. Obviously they are not the most aesthetically sound set of footwear, but they are still the most comfortable pair of shoes i own... because they keep me walking humble.
~S

We all know the world would be a better place if everyone acted as if their Mother was watching over their shoulder. Or sitting on your other shoulder flipping the bird to that guy wearing all red on your other shoulder. Even in some moments we have asked ourselves “What would my Mother think of me right now”. And even some of us have forgotten about our Mothers, on occasion, landing us in situations that include a night in jail, 160 hours community service, and a $2,500 fine. But no punishment or restitution can compare to the harsh look of disappointment that mom can shine your way. That being said, when Mother's Day rolls around we always ponder what to get her, when what we should be thinking is, “What did she give me?” Here's some things my Mom taught me...

RELIGION
“You better pray that stain comes out of the carpet!”

TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't start acting respectable, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why!"

MORE LOGIC
"If you jump your bike off that unstable, unsafe bike jump and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!"

IRONY
"You keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about!" (see GIVING)

OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth, and eat your dinner!"

STAMINA
"You'll sit there until that plate is clean!"

DIRECTION
“Go to your room!”

WEATHER
"Did a tornado sweep through your room?" (Also SARCASM)

PHYSICS
"If I yelled that a meteor was coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

HYPOCRISY
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"

ENVY
"There are tons of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home!"

GIVING
"You keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about!" (see IRONY)

RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop making those faces, they are going to stay that way!"

THINK AHEAD
"If you don't do good in school, you'll never get a good job!”

MY HERITAGE
"Were you born in a barn?"

HUMOR
"When you break your leg jumping that bike of yours, don't come running to me."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids... and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Love you Mom, Happy Mother's Day