We all know the world would be a better place if everyone acted as if their Mother was watching over their shoulder. Or sitting on your other shoulder flipping the bird to that guy wearing all red on your other shoulder. Even in some moments we have asked ourselves “What would my Mother think of me right now”. And even some of us have forgotten about our Mothers, on occasion, landing us in situations that include a night in jail, 160 hours community service, and a $2,500 fine. But no punishment or restitution can compare to the harsh look of disappointment that mom can shine your way. That being said, when Mother's Day rolls around we always ponder what to get her, when what we should be thinking is, “What did she give me?” Here's some things my Mom taught me...

RELIGION
“You better pray that stain comes out of the carpet!”

TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't start acting respectable, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why!"

MORE LOGIC
"If you jump your bike off that unstable, unsafe bike jump and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!"

IRONY
"You keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about!" (see GIVING)

OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth, and eat your dinner!"

STAMINA
"You'll sit there until that plate is clean!"

DIRECTION
“Go to your room!”

WEATHER
"Did a tornado sweep through your room?" (Also SARCASM)

PHYSICS
"If I yelled that a meteor was coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

HYPOCRISY
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"

ENVY
"There are tons of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home!"

GIVING
"You keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about!" (see IRONY)

RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop making those faces, they are going to stay that way!"

THINK AHEAD
"If you don't do good in school, you'll never get a good job!”

MY HERITAGE
"Were you born in a barn?"

HUMOR
"When you break your leg jumping that bike of yours, don't come running to me."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids... and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Love you Mom, Happy Mother's Day