Bestiality, necrophilia, and that perfect holiday parking spot

Bestiality, necrophilia, and that perfect holiday parking spot

I seriously loathe the act of parking, especially during the holiday season. I will not drive the parking lot waiting for a "good one", I'd rather just park and walk. So there I was heading to the mall to pick up the xmas pics the kids and I had only taken 2 weeks prior. I puttered along slowly through the parking lot, and as luck would have it, bright white reverse lights shined only 10 spaces ahead and 2 spaces from the handicap parking. I hit the blinker and waited patiently for the occupant to vacate the "choice" spot. I could see one lane over, Mr. Fast and the Furious speeding to the end of his row. And just like the sequel he hit the turn Tokyo Drift style. But it was still too late to get my spot. As I pulled in, he honked, I ignored , other than watching him park about 12 spaces beyond me in the same row. As I was getting the kids out, he and his girlfriend (no ring) were walking by. He mumbled something under his breathe about me stealing his spot. Now I have this genetic deficiency where my mouth processes a lot faster than my brain, which in some cases can be bad, but in this case I didn't steal shit. Even though I had the kids with me I couldn't hold back my mouth. So in a very loud voice, not quite yelling I said, "Hey kids ain't this a great spot, we won't have to walk far, at all". So little man, all 5 foot 4 of him, turns and says, "Go fuck a dead goat". Yeah, now there's trouble in river city. 2 things...First of all you don't drop F bombs in front of my chitlens without taking a verbal beating, if not more. Second, and ironically, that's the second time someone of indian descent told me to "go fuck a dead goat". One of my closest friends is indian (dot, not feather) and he assured me that is not a common indian saying, but I wonder. Anyhow, as I was about to deliver my lingual weapons of mass destruction, when little man took a Coach purse upside the head from his girlfriend. She turned to me and said, "He is very sorry for the language he used in front of your kids". I tried not to laugh, thanked her, then disarmed...

As we were walking into the mall, my son asked why that lady hit that guy with her purse. I responded, "When Santa's not around, and elves get out of hand, sometimes Mrs. Claus has to put the smack down on them"

Good Luck in finding that perfect holiday parking spot...

~S